Parties of Pity & Birthday Alike!

There are some small signs that I'm beginning to emerge from the "self-pity, anger & bewilderment party" I've been throwing for myself the last few weeks! I only got teary today once when I got out Ryan's baby pics to post one for his 19th bday tomorrow. I did have a few light bulb moments over the weekend, and I decided that I might ACTUALLY live thru this experience....who knew?

I did try to go back to church yesterday (I say this because I haven't been in 3 weeks since my world fell apart) and it turned out to be not such a good idea. The reason I haven't been is not because I am mad @ God or that I don't think I need him to help me thru this difficult period....it's because I've become more or less a hermit the past few weeks on purpose. If I don't see anyone I know then they won't ask me about what's going on & they won't ask me when he leaves or how long he'll be gone, etc. because I really & truly cannot talk about this yet.....I just can't, okay?? So even though I sat in the back so I could make a get away in quick fashion after the benediction, as fate would have it, i got stopped by a well-intentioned friend who made a comment that was in no way meant to upset me.....and, folks that was all she wrote! Before i knew it, I had popped off at her, made a caddy comment in return & I made it to my car just as the tears came again. So much for doing the right thing on Sunday morning I guess! : ( I can't hideout forever, I can't dodge going places where I may have to talk to someone I know simply because my child has made a life decision that saddens me so greatly. Maybe this will get easier? I can only hope!

On a lighter note, I've made a pact with myself not to "start up" with the kid anymore - we've not had cross words since last Friday (it's a record in the last month I tell ya!) He knows how I feel, He knows I am not for this....so i guess there is really no sense in beating a dead horse, right? He takes his ASVAB tomorrow in LR @ the AF base (yes on his 19th bday, puleeze??) Wednesday he has his two required "entry physicals" also @ the base. I keep praying they will kick him to the side because he has "flat feet" or something...but my daddy said they don't really do that "flat feet" thing anymore! LOL And Thursday morning they will present him with his "contract" and he will "sign his life away" as I've grown fond of referring to it as of late!

This week is such a mixture of happiness with his bday being tomorrow & all the fond memories I have of the day he was born.....and then sadness over what follows the following two days. I will be glad when this week is over because he will be home Friday for Spring Break & we will take him out for dinner to celebrate. I am already planning on how I will try to make it thru the entire meal without a meltdown & having to excuse myself! It really does put a damper on things when I stay in the bathroom most of the meal! LOL -

I wanna tell you about my "light bulb moments" over the weekend on my next post...i think you'll be impressed at my new-found ability to reason thru the "muck" of this whole situation....really! LOL

Sweet little Red-Head Baptist Girls & Free Fries @ Chic-Fil-A!

I was told by a couple of folks today that this "blog thing" is going to be a great thing for me in more than a couple of ways...I want to use it to keep our friends/family updated on what's going on w/us over the coming weeks/months. We have only told our family & a few close friends this news until now....some of you already know & others of you have figured it out by some of the subtle comments I've made recently. Maybe by updating you all, I won't have to tell the story over & over because it's easier not to even think about much less talk about constantly! :(

Three weeks ago my world stopped spinning on it's "happy axis" & I've done nothing more than "go thru the motions" since." My oldest son, Ryan (18) was home for the weekend from UAM where he is currently a freshman. I was dusting as he walked by on the way to the bathroom when he casually mentioned (yes - in passing, no less!) that he was joining the MARINES! I did not go into immediate "orbit" because this is not the first time "the M word" has been mentioned around here. Around the middle of his Sr. year he threw this idea around but we talked him into getting a degree first before making a decision of this magnitude that would affect the rest of his life. I began praying then that he'd stick with school all 4 years & in the process, meet & fall in love with a sweet little red-headed Baptist girl who'd steal his heart away & finally put all this pesky "Marine talk" to rest. Well that hasn't happened as of yet....but he's not SERIOUSLY going to go thru with this ludicrous idea, right? And even if he does, "we" always said it would only be AFTER he got a degree, right? So I've still got 3.25 years for that sweet little red-headed Baptist girl to turn up, right? WRONG! He did his drug test this past week. He goes to LR next Tuesday (on his 19th bday no less!) to take his ASVAB. The next day (Wednesday) he will have 2 physical exams ("Okay - cough now, soldier") at the Base in Jacksonville where he will then spend the night & sign his final enlistment papers the next day (Thursday.) And then that will be that I guess. "What is the all-fired-up hurry to do this?" I keep asking. "I just need to get it done now." he says. Why???? Are they moving & you're afraid you won't be able to find the enlistment office again? OR are they having some sort of big special this week; like "Enlist TODAY ONLY & get free fries @ Chic-Fil-A?" I just don't get it...STILL!

The reason I've not told many about this is because I keep thinking he'll change his mind & then there would be no need for me to go into the whole spill & "blubber" in front of a bunch of people needlessly. My stubborn side also tells me if i don't say it/acknowledge it then it's not real & won't happen, right? Wrong again - it appears we are getting "down to the wire" here & short of some eleventh hour miracle (or maybe another devastating 3.7 magnitude Greenbrier earthquake??) this is going to happen whether I like it or not. His dad & I have talked to him endless hours about what this involves & there are still TONS of questions he cannot answer about this journey he is about to embark on. We've begged him to talk w/an Air Force Rep. or an Army & Navy recruiter to explore all options (anything- but NOT the Marines, please??) but none doing because the Marines are the "best of the best!" (Really? I think the Army, Navy, Air Force AND Marines' pamphlets ALL say that! LOL)

So - back to present day...and of course, there's more to the story! But because this is merely a BLOG & not a 17 chapter novel, I'm going to leave you w/that info to process for now. When we meet again (right back here!) I will tell you about what comes next for Ryan & why (as his mom) this has knocked me for such a loop. In the mean time, if you know any "sweet little red-headed Baptist girls" - PLEASE send her our way! Heck, I'll buy her ALL the FREE FRIES @ Chic-Fil-A she wants!! (I'll even throw in a sandwich & drink, too!) :D
Thanks friends~