Royal Disasters & Fairytale Weddings

Golly....I really didn't realize it had been so long since i blogged! So much has been going on in our world in the last few weeks. Easter, the recent weather outbreaks, the everyday family issues, etc. My heart is so heavy today over the devastation left in the wake of yesterday's Alabama tornadoes....upon viewing the footage of the twister that came thru Tuscaloosa - it looks more like an Atomic Bomb went off instead of a mere natural disaster! It's been 3 years since the horrific F-3 tornado tore thru my home town of Stuttgart, Ar. I thought I'd seen it all after that...not even close. My heart goes out to those folks in our neighboring state....it was the same storm system that caused us here in Arkansas to spend a sketchy couple of nights watching radar & listening to the constant storm sirens ourselves. The thought that what happened in Tuscaloosa could've been us is more than sobering to say the least.

The Royal Wedding?? Really. Geez! Is that really all that important after the week we've just watched unfold?? I will admit - Kate Middleton is beautiful and Prince William looks so very much like his "mummy," the late Lady Di, that is it uncanny. And I will be interested to see what her dress looks like....but other than that, it just seems all so unimportant overall. Do they really have to pre-empt the Young & Restless tomorrow? Geez....LOL

Update on Ryan and his "Marines" endeavor: He is currently scheduled to go to boot camp in San Diego, CA. in October (Not in June as we thought) - meaning he will be gone over the holidays! :( But it is what it is and life will go on around that. This is his "mission" in life he says. Okay. Am I any more accepting of this decision?? Not Really. But again, it is what it is! I am no longer suicidal over his decision, I cannot say i am yet to the "accepting" stage here, but believe me when i tell you that I've come along way!

Stay safe friends, remember what is really important in this world we live in so temporarily in and what somehow can be overcome simply w/tolerance & prayer. It's the afterlife that should consume our thoughts and not the troubles of this world!! Prayers to our Alabama friends! Till next time.....

Spring Break! :)

I haven't blogged in a whole week....now that outta tell you somethin'! Both Ryan & Andrew have been home on Spring Break this week so I've been attempting to spend some time w/them - understandable right? But as luck would have it - I began feeling ill on Sunday w/some sort of funky stomach bug & have spent most of the week either laying down or in the bathroom! LOL I had an interview yesterday in LR: I managed to force myself to "look the part" & went despite still feeling a bit icky!:( It was a good interview & a position I think I would really be interested in - but I've gotten my hopes up before.... so I will put it out of my mind for now. If the phone rings by the end of the day tomorrow- GREAT! If not - then it's not a part of what God has in mind for me right now I guess & I will continue to know that he's got the plan - not me! :)

I have really enjoyed having both my boys home this week....despite the mess, extra laundry, newly depleted grocery supply & the wee-hour card games in the dining room - it's all a part of the "mom" experience when you have boys! :)

There's nothing really new on the subject of Ryan & his "Marines" venture other than we did TRY to have a civil conversation last Friday afternoon when he got home for Spring Break which (as usual) did NOT go well! It ended w/his daddy telling him to lower his voice, change his attitude or "pack his !$#% and get out!" LOL After that, we vowed to table all "military conversation" in an effort to try & have a good week while he was home. And that, my friends, was just fine by me! :) He did learn that he can't go to BASIC in June as planned because that "camp" is full...so right now he is scheduled to ship out October 11th. That really BITES though because now he will be gone over the holidays AND this throws off the plan for him to be back @ school as planned for Spring 2012! :( However - they are trying to work him into an August camp dependent upon his "physical shape" over the next couple of months. So he has been running 2-3 miles a night, drinking water & eating healthier. He's quite sure he will a "buff hunky one" after boot camp...this I gotta see! LOL

Short post today....It's Thursday @ noon of Spring Break week & time for all good little boys to arise from their slumber & clean up from their late night card game in the family room! :)

Car Seats, Roots & Wings

Today was the day ....by days' end my child will be a marine reservist. It is so ironic to me that 19 years today we were bringing him home from the hospital & our biggest concern was that we didn't have his car seat properly buckled....and today he is signing military papers! There is something that is just not right about that!

Today was also the day that it was time to let everyone (who didn’t already know what’s been going on in our little corner of the world) onto the "secret." Ryan spent the night in LR last night & started physicals & paper work processing @ 4:30am this morning. I wonder how ironic it was that i woke up promptly @ 4:27?? Did I go back to sleep?? Are you kidding me?? LOL

So after today, it’s a done deal I guess....I think maybe I've come to sort of an understanding (for today anyway) between my brain & my heart....although this is NOT the path I dreamed of for my first-born, this is, obviously what he's going to do with me or without me. I can continue to say mean things to him out of anger over what he's putting me through & in an attempt of thinking if I say enough "bad things" about his choice he will change his mind....OR I can try to come to some sort of terms w/this place I've found myself in...this place that no mother should ever have to find herself. Animosity, you say??? What was your first inkling?? LOL

So here goes: DON'T get me wrong - I am still not "for" this Military thing....and this is definitely the saddest, hardest, most un-pleasant thing I've ever tried to wrap my noggin around...he is absolutely set on doing it & that is not going to change (I've accepted that part now! He will be home tomorrow for Spring Break to spend the week....If things continue on along this same vicious path, it will be a MISERABLE wasted week for all involved! Do I want to throw away the time we DO have together & waste more time being at odds just to try to force my point of view on him needlessly?? Or do i want to make the very most of that week & any other upcoming/remaining time I have left w/him before he leaves for Basic training in June?? The choice is up to me. What if (God forbid!) something happens to him (or even me) while we are still at odds w/one another? I could never forgive myself knowing that despite 19 wonderful years, it came to an end while there was such resentment & anger between us! Life is entirely too short to take such huge chances with those that we love! If i choose to continue to resent this decision & lash out @ him - eventually I will alienate him & he will never want to come home again...I cannot let that happen to us after the close relationship we've always had! So - even though I still do NOT want this to happen & obviously wish this was not the path he'd chosen - we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one I think.

While I am willing to make a concession (or two) I need him to understand the reasons why this has affected me so deeply. First: Our concern for his safety & well-being & secondly: My extreme sadness over the length of time he will be away from us & the "not knowing" during periods where communication is not a possibility. I know, I know - it's all a part of that whole "roots & wings" that folks frequently speak of....it's that "wings" part that is currently unfolding...this is all "new waters" for me, and thus far - i pretty much suck at it! LOL
You see, the "roots" part was a piece of cake & will forever be warm & fuzzy in my mind because it is filled w/all those special memories from his childhood....but this "wings" thing??? It is REALLY eatin' my lunch right now! LOL
*Till next time blog friends - Happy St. Patty's Day!

Parties of Pity & Birthday Alike!

There are some small signs that I'm beginning to emerge from the "self-pity, anger & bewilderment party" I've been throwing for myself the last few weeks! I only got teary today once when I got out Ryan's baby pics to post one for his 19th bday tomorrow. I did have a few light bulb moments over the weekend, and I decided that I might ACTUALLY live thru this experience....who knew?

I did try to go back to church yesterday (I say this because I haven't been in 3 weeks since my world fell apart) and it turned out to be not such a good idea. The reason I haven't been is not because I am mad @ God or that I don't think I need him to help me thru this difficult period....it's because I've become more or less a hermit the past few weeks on purpose. If I don't see anyone I know then they won't ask me about what's going on & they won't ask me when he leaves or how long he'll be gone, etc. because I really & truly cannot talk about this yet.....I just can't, okay?? So even though I sat in the back so I could make a get away in quick fashion after the benediction, as fate would have it, i got stopped by a well-intentioned friend who made a comment that was in no way meant to upset me.....and, folks that was all she wrote! Before i knew it, I had popped off at her, made a caddy comment in return & I made it to my car just as the tears came again. So much for doing the right thing on Sunday morning I guess! : ( I can't hideout forever, I can't dodge going places where I may have to talk to someone I know simply because my child has made a life decision that saddens me so greatly. Maybe this will get easier? I can only hope!

On a lighter note, I've made a pact with myself not to "start up" with the kid anymore - we've not had cross words since last Friday (it's a record in the last month I tell ya!) He knows how I feel, He knows I am not for this....so i guess there is really no sense in beating a dead horse, right? He takes his ASVAB tomorrow in LR @ the AF base (yes on his 19th bday, puleeze??) Wednesday he has his two required "entry physicals" also @ the base. I keep praying they will kick him to the side because he has "flat feet" or something...but my daddy said they don't really do that "flat feet" thing anymore! LOL And Thursday morning they will present him with his "contract" and he will "sign his life away" as I've grown fond of referring to it as of late!

This week is such a mixture of happiness with his bday being tomorrow & all the fond memories I have of the day he was born.....and then sadness over what follows the following two days. I will be glad when this week is over because he will be home Friday for Spring Break & we will take him out for dinner to celebrate. I am already planning on how I will try to make it thru the entire meal without a meltdown & having to excuse myself! It really does put a damper on things when I stay in the bathroom most of the meal! LOL -

I wanna tell you about my "light bulb moments" over the weekend on my next post...i think you'll be impressed at my new-found ability to reason thru the "muck" of this whole situation....really! LOL

Sweet little Red-Head Baptist Girls & Free Fries @ Chic-Fil-A!

I was told by a couple of folks today that this "blog thing" is going to be a great thing for me in more than a couple of ways...I want to use it to keep our friends/family updated on what's going on w/us over the coming weeks/months. We have only told our family & a few close friends this news until now....some of you already know & others of you have figured it out by some of the subtle comments I've made recently. Maybe by updating you all, I won't have to tell the story over & over because it's easier not to even think about much less talk about constantly! :(

Three weeks ago my world stopped spinning on it's "happy axis" & I've done nothing more than "go thru the motions" since." My oldest son, Ryan (18) was home for the weekend from UAM where he is currently a freshman. I was dusting as he walked by on the way to the bathroom when he casually mentioned (yes - in passing, no less!) that he was joining the MARINES! I did not go into immediate "orbit" because this is not the first time "the M word" has been mentioned around here. Around the middle of his Sr. year he threw this idea around but we talked him into getting a degree first before making a decision of this magnitude that would affect the rest of his life. I began praying then that he'd stick with school all 4 years & in the process, meet & fall in love with a sweet little red-headed Baptist girl who'd steal his heart away & finally put all this pesky "Marine talk" to rest. Well that hasn't happened as of yet....but he's not SERIOUSLY going to go thru with this ludicrous idea, right? And even if he does, "we" always said it would only be AFTER he got a degree, right? So I've still got 3.25 years for that sweet little red-headed Baptist girl to turn up, right? WRONG! He did his drug test this past week. He goes to LR next Tuesday (on his 19th bday no less!) to take his ASVAB. The next day (Wednesday) he will have 2 physical exams ("Okay - cough now, soldier") at the Base in Jacksonville where he will then spend the night & sign his final enlistment papers the next day (Thursday.) And then that will be that I guess. "What is the all-fired-up hurry to do this?" I keep asking. "I just need to get it done now." he says. Why???? Are they moving & you're afraid you won't be able to find the enlistment office again? OR are they having some sort of big special this week; like "Enlist TODAY ONLY & get free fries @ Chic-Fil-A?" I just don't get it...STILL!

The reason I've not told many about this is because I keep thinking he'll change his mind & then there would be no need for me to go into the whole spill & "blubber" in front of a bunch of people needlessly. My stubborn side also tells me if i don't say it/acknowledge it then it's not real & won't happen, right? Wrong again - it appears we are getting "down to the wire" here & short of some eleventh hour miracle (or maybe another devastating 3.7 magnitude Greenbrier earthquake??) this is going to happen whether I like it or not. His dad & I have talked to him endless hours about what this involves & there are still TONS of questions he cannot answer about this journey he is about to embark on. We've begged him to talk w/an Air Force Rep. or an Army & Navy recruiter to explore all options (anything- but NOT the Marines, please??) but none doing because the Marines are the "best of the best!" (Really? I think the Army, Navy, Air Force AND Marines' pamphlets ALL say that! LOL)

So - back to present day...and of course, there's more to the story! But because this is merely a BLOG & not a 17 chapter novel, I'm going to leave you w/that info to process for now. When we meet again (right back here!) I will tell you about what comes next for Ryan & why (as his mom) this has knocked me for such a loop. In the mean time, if you know any "sweet little red-headed Baptist girls" - PLEASE send her our way! Heck, I'll buy her ALL the FREE FRIES @ Chic-Fil-A she wants!! (I'll even throw in a sandwich & drink, too!) :D
Thanks friends~

That Bryan Adam's song from the '80's?

Me? A Blogger?? I said I would never start a blog but as they always say, "Never say Never!" LOL I have no idea if anyone will ever even READ this - but if they don't it's all good because it's more or less for my own personal venting & "cleansing" purposes anyway! BUT if you want to come along with me on my daily chaotic adventures - hold on tight & enjoy the ride (and don't say you weren't warned about the potential drama that comes merely by being associated with me! :)

I've always enjoyed journaling & not just because it's a major part of scrapbooking! Because I find it very therapeutic in times of sadness, stress, grief and frustration & a "celebration of the heart" in times of extreme happiness! (Those are rare though, so don't go anticipating much of that here, ok? LOL ) So....now, instead of writing in my "oh so cute" lined journaling book entitled "ALL ABOUT ME" (with a specific pen that writes really awesome!) I will do it here! : ) What has prompted this sudden need to "vent via technology," you may ask? I think probably a combination of things that have recently "sprouted forth" in my world presently. (I will get more into that "heavy" subject in coming blog posts - I mean I can't just spill it all in my very first "technological rendering of words," right?) Whether it be one of my latest altered creations, an page entry created for one of my scrapbooks, an "all-important" rant, or just plain random thoughts - you can KNOW that it's comin' at you "STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!" :)